comments

NATES
The best part of the stroy was the quiet part of the story. i enjoyed this part of the story the most because i believe that you used a lot of good descriptions and you really brought the moment to life. "Eventually we arrived at the true destination, Bash Bish Waterfall. Siddhartha was amazed at the peacefulness of the setting. The Waterfall was not even a mile inland from the busy street we had once been on. After a bit of quiet meditation Siddhartha spoke."
You could have done a little bit better during the indulgent part of the story. it was overall very good but you didnt describe the casino as well as you described the waterfall. to improve this part i beleive that you could put in some more details about the casino itself and what the atmoshoere, sounds, smells...are like. One of the textual refrences in this story comes early in the beginning when they discuss water and how it bares no sense of time. It fit in and it flowed very well with the story.
The first sentences of the story do grab my atention and i beleve that it is a very effective introduction. i also feel the same way about the conclusion. i do beleve that the story anded rather abruptly though, and maybe instead you could gradually work the reader to that point.

CASEY
The best part of the story was the stimulating part of the story. i believe that this is the best part of the story because you do a really good job with describing las vegas. when you are describing this scene i can imagine in my mind how crazy las vegas is. "

We both woke up extra early to head out for our flight to the Sin City where I would show Siddhartha how Americans have a good time. After we caught our flight and landed, we jumped in our limo that I ordered to take us to Caesars Palace, where we would be staying in one of their pent houses. As we drove by all the bright buildings, Siddhartha’s eyes were popping out of his head. He could not believe what he was seeing. All of the giant buildings, all  the people walking around, all the traffic, and all the entertainment. After stopping by our luxurious room, we decided to hit the tables and try out our luck at gambling. Being the nice guy I am, I gave Siddhartha $1000 to us as starting money. After losing half of it, he actually started getting the hang of the whole betting thing. After winning his money back, he was not done there. Siddhartha ended up tripling his money and decided to call it quits. With the extra money, we bought dinner and saw a show. Then we hit the night life. We entered a club which was crazy. There were people everywhere, there was a dance floor, a DJ, crazy lights, strippers, and bars. Siddhartha was totally out of his element. So instead of joining me on the dance floor, he decided to take a seat near a stripper, where unlike most men there struck up a conversation with the girl. After a while I became nervous and got him away from here as fast as I could. Siddhartha was upset with me."

You could have done a better jod in desciing the quiet and poeaceful part of the story. i fell like this part was kind of left out. The textual reference in this story comes when they are discussing the river and they talk about the ferryman like in the actual novel.

I enjoy the introduction to the story and i think that it is entertaining to read. i think thet you could have made it a little bit better though by maybe making it grab the readres attention more.

The conclusion was done very well and it satisfied the story.

Siddhartha Comes to America Rough Draft

As I sat and stared out of the window of my house I thought about my good friend Siddhartha. Siddhartha is a very hard person to please and he is also a very intelligent human being. I had to come up with at least a couple special places that I could take him so that he can get taste of what it’s like to live in America.

                I picked Siddhartha up from his plane ride and he had a very displeased look on his face. I figured the loud noise of the airplane and stimulating environment of the airport were overwhelming him. I told Siddhartha to make sure to get a good night sleep because I know that he will enjoy what’s in store for tomorrow.

                I woke Siddhartha up fairly early in the morning to get ready to go. As he strolled out of the room he asked, “Where are we going today?”

I replied, “Were going to take a hike in the woods.”

“Sounds good.” Siddhartha stated as he took a seat in the kitchen.

                We quickly packed and got dressed and soon enough we started our venture into the woods. I walked slowly through the woods so that Siddhartha could take in all the beauty of the surrounding nature. I choose to take him in the morning because the morning is the most peaceful time, the birds are out, the air is still, and the air is fresh. The destination in the woods I have planned is was one of my favorite childhood spots. As a kid I would always come to the stream in the back of my woods and enjoy my surroundings. I know for a fact that Siddhartha will like the stream, because he is a ferryman and he has a lot of respect and love for the river.

                We approached the bank of the stream and stood looking across the stream and the sun peeked through the tress and as the air started to warm. It was most definitely a scene that would stick in your mind for the rest of your life. Siddhartha sat immediately near the edge of the stream and began meditating. I let him do his thing as I wander a little further into the woods.

                After about two hours I was ready to go, so I approached Siddhartha and asked him, “Are you ready to get going back?”

Siddhartha did not answer.

“Excuse me…”

“I’ll meet you back when I’m finished, you can go without me.” Said Siddhartha.

This actually made me feel happy because I knew that Siddhartha was enjoying himself and he was engaged in what he was doing.

                “You better prepare yourself today Siddhartha.” I said in a joking manner. “Today will not be like yesterday…At all.”

“What do you mean?” Siddhartha said.

“You’ll see when we get there.” I Said.

                We got in the car and we began our drive. Today I am planning on bringing Siddhartha to Times Square in the middle of New York City. Siddhartha will be so overwhelmed here that he won’t even be able to formulate a though in his head. The goal is not to hurt or confuse him, but rather give him a taste of the American culture. I am actually expecting him to slightly enjoy it because he grew up in a city/town area and I bet that he still reminisces about it every now and then.

                As we drove around the massive city I could see the Siddhartha with eyes wide open and a bewildered look on his face. We found a lot to park in and we walked on foot to Times Square. The lights, the sounds, the commotion are too much for most people.

“This is Times Square one of the most popular attractions in America, and one of the busiest places in the world.” I said to Siddhartha as I stood in front of the billboards and the flashing lights.

“I can’t believe this place!” Siddhartha said. “I can barely breathe with all these fumes in the air, I can barely hear myself think with all of this sound, and I feel dizzy because of all these lights!”

“I want to leave this place now” Said Siddhartha.

“I figured you wouldn’t like it too much here.” I said as I began to laugh.

                On the car ride home Siddhartha was quiet, it seemed like the city had an impact on him.

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“The city just reminded me of my childhood when I used hang around the city with my good friend Govinda.” Siddhartha sadly stated. “It’s just kind of sad to look back and see how far I have moved away from where I started.”

“Well I’m glad it had an impact on you though.” I said with reassurance.

                It was Siddhartha’s final day in America and I had to bring him back to the airport so he could go back to India. I was sad to see him go, and he was sad to leave.

                “I hope you enjoyed yourself Siddhartha.” I exclaimed.

“I truly did.” He said. “I learned a vast amount about America and the American culture, but I also learned a lot about myself and who I am as a person. To me this was a very enjoyable and successful trip, and has helped my progress towards becoming enlightened. Thank you very much, friend.”